Woman In The Mirror.

Each day I get up and go to the bathroom, and as I enter the bathroom I look toward the mirror hoping the woman will be there. Each day she is there, waiting to mock me. She won't tell me her name, and refuses to smile. I greet her every morning with a smile from myself, but she just ignores me and stares at me blankly. I always ask her how she is doing, but she ignores me still. Her face is oddly similar to mine, but something seems off. Something important seems to be missing from her. I wonder if it is happiness, or love but I know she needs something. Last night I walked into the bathroom, and I didn't say anything to her as I walked in and stared at her. I was lost in thought, as I studied her. She looked just as sad as ever, when I asked. " Are you happy?" The woman looked at me and shook her head. So, then I asked... " Do you love?" She nodded, and rolled her eyes as if to say " Of course I do."  Then something struck me, so I asked her. " Do you know me?" Her head nodded once more, "Do you know me well?" She nodded once more, but something about her seemed familiar. Like she was someone one I used to know. A person whom I used to know very well, but with time and neglectance the person changed to become a complete stranger. It was within that thought I looked to the woman in the mirror once more, and she nodded as if to tell me my thoughts were correct. I thought for a few more minutes as I looked at her. She noticed of course and continued to smile oddly at me. It was then I realized... I realized that the sad woman in the mirror was someone I used to love. So I asked her, " Do you love me?" The woman nodded once more, and then pointed to her heart. " Did you know me well." She nodded once more, and then sighed. " Did I know you well?" The woman seemed to be talking, but no sound was coming out of her mouth, but her lips made out yes. The thoughts kept distracting me as I tried to figure out what I was feeling. This woman, she looked similar to me, and she knew me. But yet, I did not know her. Then the woman grew angry, and looked like she was trying to yell at me... and I could hear her. " Fat, Stupid, Worthless." Were some of the few words that came from that foul woman's mouth. I couldn't hear anything other than insults from her, and as I grew more distraught... the idea hit me. The woman... she was me. Yelling at myself, putting myself down. I used to love myself, and care for myself. But with sadness comes horrible thoughts. But I looked to the woman and looked her in the eye. " I love you. For you. You are beautiful." The woman looked at me like I had shot her with a bullet, but then a smile seemed to spread on her face as she nodded.  I reached out to touch her, to only realized I was touching my bathroom mirror, and the woman wasn't smiling, I was.



I hope you enjoyed that! It was something that I came up with the other day, and I thought I should type it out. <3 I hope your week is going wonderfully.
~Andrea
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com

When will my life begin?

Hello people of the internet. It's another time to share what is going on in this tiny head of mine.

When I was little everyone always asked me, what do you want to be when you grow up... and I am very sure I gave some cute answer not really understanding what that job really entailed. But as children get older like maybe their junior or senior year of high school, people ask what are you going to do now. That question always got me. Society has always pushed teens to go to college. Turn of the century thing I assume, but most of us youngsters really understand that college is important. Most of the desirable jobs, want an education. I personally love school, well... when it isn't so stressful that I want to pull my hair out. I was told this stress was the part of growing up, but is it really? I am taking classes that will most likely have anything with what I will eventually get a job in. General education seems to be more of a headache than an actual life starter. I mean yeah I am taking a speech class, and it is helping me understand the importance of speaking in front of a large group, but it really isn't helping me decide what I want to do with my life. Last year, I was asking to go to the bathroom, and now I am expected to know exactly what I want to do? I honestly don't even know what I am good at, let alone pursue whatever I want. I am not privileged with enough money to keep changing what I want to do.  Sure, there are tests to tell me what I should do, but is that what I want to do? How does that quote go?.. hm... I don't really remember off the top of my head, but I want to love what I do with my life. I don't wanna wake up every day regretting my decisions. I want to wake up and be excited for life brings me, but recently with all of this indecisiveness I can't wake up ready for the day. I honestly wake up wishing I could go back to sleep. I feel like my life should have a purpose by now. Something to look forward too. I don't really have any long term goals other than marrying my fiance. But I don't think I have what it takes to be a homemaker. I guess not many do, but I feel like I should be out in the world doing something rather than sitting in my parents house wishing I had something great to do with my free time other than homework and blogging. Life lessons are hard to learn, but I don't even know if I am learning anything.

I hope you have a wonderful week. xoxoxo
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com
<3

What is life?

                               "How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes

                                    I struggle to find any truth in your lies

                            And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know

                                  My weakness I feel I must finally show"

                                  ~ Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons

  My life has seemed to be a rollercoaster, and it seems the harder I hold on to the safety bar the more loopy de loops there are. I've come to realize that we are never happy for very long, and that is perfectly fine. But it is how we deal with being unhappy that defines us. You could win the lottery one day, but have a death in the family the next. You can't keep going up and up without falling down. For some reason I lost sight of this reasoning, and man was I knocked on my butt. Now, don't get me wrong I love my life. Everything that is happening to me is for the better. Life lessons and that spiel. I just need to take times like these and take a step back and look at the path i'm on. Like today. Today I woke up late, but got to where I was going on time. I had fun with my significant other, actually a blast. I love him with all my heart and soul. When I got home things weren't perfect, but when are they ever? For some reason the struggle with who I am and who I want to be hang over my head anytime I am alone. Almost everyone I know, knows what they wanna do with their lives. I've prayed to God to ask him to help me understand what I need to do, or at least the best place to glorify His love. I thought that meant teaching. All through high school and fall last year I thought that was what my calling was. But now the decision seems blurry. I love children, but do I want to teach them? Am I meant to be a stay at home mom? American society pushes woman to be mothers, teachers, caregivers. Is that what all females are meant to be? I sat in a seminar today about how society makes everything a young girl sees very feminine. I mean I can see what the speaker was saying, but it makes me question me. Was what I thought I wanted something culture has pushed on me? Am I meant for something great, or do I feel entitled to something? I have struggled with that for a long time. I never expect anything from anyone. I know that is wrong, but every wrong that has been done by me, in that moment I feel like that person owes me. And that thought feels like poison in my mind. It feels morally wrong, but I grew up with someone who felt that way, and that thought is always in the back of mind. I never act on it, and I mean who would? That is just an awful thing. The world, God owes us nothing. We owe the world to be honest, and we owe God. Now if you aren't religious... I am sorry about that. This is my thought process after all. Anyhow. Life has been given to us, and humans think that the world needs to give us money, and all the bad things define a person, but to be honest I think that bad things help a person learn. They don't have to be our legacy. Andrea the girl who was always overweight and bullied at times for it. Do we want something like that on our gravestone when we die? Or do we want something empowering. Andrea the life liver. Caring mother, and loving wife. Good friend. I strive to be what I think will leave the best image on the world. It's rough.... and my thought process a little scrambled, but hey I am writing this at 10:20pm and I am a little sleepy. Life can be taxing, but living with yourself after the things you done will drive you to the grave faster than living positively. 

    I hope this was okay to follow! Take care <3 xoxoxox

~ Andrea

http://xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com

Rainy Days.

    So this morning I woke up to it raining outside. I don't know what it is about rain that makes me so sleepy. I didn't want to get up, and I certainly did not want to go to school. I was a bad college student and skipped my first two classes, and when I made it to my third I did not have the motivation to participate with a normal attitude. I was bouncing off the walls. Needless to say, I could have been the class clown today. ( Ha ha)
  I made this post today to simply get feedback. What do you do on your rainy days? Any specific things, or traditions you do? Mine really consist of either taking a nap, or watching movies or shows on Netflix. I started watching my favorite anime Black Butler, but I am also watching Greek. I watched Turbo last night, and I thought it was one of the cutest movies I have seen recently. Sorry for the short post! I hope I get some answers. It would really make my day :) I hope your day goes well.

<3 ~ Andrea~
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com

Spring Break.

Hello there! How are you people out there? I sure hope that everything is well. For me life to seem just normal at the moment, nothing too spectacular.
   I decided to make this post on Spring Break itself as a whole, and then my habits of spring break. ( Which may or may not be interesting to you.)

Honestly, I never really saw the purpose in Spring Break. I still don't really see it. Hey! Don't get me wrong I loved the break from school, but it was only a week. I really didn't do anything other than become addicted to Netflix. I watched 2 whole series of Sherlock, and I also watched another whole 3 seasons of Being Human. I also started on season 2 of Arrow on another website. The only social thing I did all week was friday of that week I went and had lunch with a friend. We also went over the next chapter of our spanish class, and I also played volleyball with her at her church. I only had sometime with my fiance at the beginning of that week, and then I had to wait until sunday to see him, because I have no money and no car to drive 45 minutes to see him.
   Now, back to the spring break idea. It doesn't seem to help much to rejuvenate me for the rest of the semester. It simply makes me wanna drop out and never do anything education related in my life. My second semester is hard enough with a week break to help motivate me to do nothing. For my speech class I have a speech about how to keep motivated for the rest of the semester and the year. It is going to be difficult. I will basically be speaking to myself the whole time. Haha. I sound so whiney, but I am determined not to slack. Which is second nature to me. Hope you have a lovely week, it's been swell.

<3~ Andrea~
http://xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com/

Become an Adult.

Hello there Internet. Sorry I didn't post much this week. I decided to practically lay in my bed and watch Netflix on my laptop all day everyday. Spring Break was my re coop week, but now that I pushed all my homework back to the end of the week I have to hurry and finish some things before Monday. Which I don't see as a big deal, but I do what I want with my life. This sorta leads to what my title means. I feel college expects people who have just graduated high school, to suddenly become a full fledged adult. Seriously, last year around this time I was still asking to go to the bathroom. Please just notice what you are trying to do to the new generation. I know we need to grow up, but I feel more overwhelmed than I ever have. And I sure as heck am tired of dealing with some of the petty high school drama I still have to deal with. Which means I have to drop friends that I once thought were mature enough to stay my friends, but I have realized recently what friends are worth my time. And actually to my surprise, I don't have many friends that are worth my time.
    Most of my high school career I was just the nice girl who had the friends at school, but would never be really seen outside of school. I don't think I did much out of school events, and now in college I haven't really done much with people. I mean today I actually just spent some time with one of my classmates, but I go to a community college so my friend is 20 some years older than me. It is very interesting to take a few steps back and look back. Some would say this is weird, but I feel that this friend is worth the time I spent with her. I have some that just on Facebook I may have a friendly chat, or even some friends I text and hang out with maybe once a month. Nowadays everyone is so busy. They are too busy to just step back and take a breath. I could never live my life like that I think. I enjoy the time that I have, but I do need a job. It would make things easier.
 

   I hope your week went well! I wish you luck on the rest of your week, and all of next week. Take Care xoxoxoxox

   ~Andrea
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com

Sudden Realization

    So today if have finally hit me. Our lives today are about how much money we have. Or at least it is how it seems.
   


    Our self worth usually is based on how much money we make, or what we have. I'm pretty sure you are screaming in your mind that, that isn't true. Seriously think about it. You feel accomplished when you have maybe that extra $5 in your pocket, or maybe when you can cover the dinner bill instead of your friend.  What about the things you own? Is it about how awesome your phone is? How cool your car is? What about your computer? Do you have the latest Mac Book?
    To be honest with you and myself I realized that this is true. If I had a actual job, I could maybe have a fancy phone, computer and maybe even car. I feel unaccomplished with the lack of cool things I have, but I do have these relapses. Your accomplishments shouldn't be about how much stuff we have. It should be about how we feel about ourselves and how the world is as human beings. We are on this earth for as many years as we are allowed. What should we do with them? Should we just try to climb the social ladder? Or maybe make a difference in our lives, and the lives that we touch. Sure, I may not have a job. But I try my best to put a smile on the face of every person I come in contact with. I try to be the funny, warm person that God wants me to be.
    Sorry about dropping the "G" bomb. Religion doesn't have to be the base in your life. I strongly recommend it, but if not remember the fact that being kind shouldn't be limited to the bible carriers. The world is falling apart around us. Regardless of if you shut the T.V off or not. If you walk outside, you are either going to run into someone better off than you, or worse off. Think about how you would like to be treated. Think of how much greater a day would be to someone who is debating killing themselves is shown how much people care about people they don't know. This post is getting quite long, so I will leave that there today. But I hope you got the point I was trying to put across, but the point that goes along with my orginal one that I hope sticks with you is: The world isn't going to be a better place, if we ignore it.
<3 Have a wonderful day.
Any comments, questions, or concerns? Just leave a comment :)
You can email me if you please at iamme262@gmail.com
Or you can ask anything on my Tumblr page: http://xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com/
~Andrea