When will my life begin?

Hello people of the internet. It's another time to share what is going on in this tiny head of mine.

When I was little everyone always asked me, what do you want to be when you grow up... and I am very sure I gave some cute answer not really understanding what that job really entailed. But as children get older like maybe their junior or senior year of high school, people ask what are you going to do now. That question always got me. Society has always pushed teens to go to college. Turn of the century thing I assume, but most of us youngsters really understand that college is important. Most of the desirable jobs, want an education. I personally love school, well... when it isn't so stressful that I want to pull my hair out. I was told this stress was the part of growing up, but is it really? I am taking classes that will most likely have anything with what I will eventually get a job in. General education seems to be more of a headache than an actual life starter. I mean yeah I am taking a speech class, and it is helping me understand the importance of speaking in front of a large group, but it really isn't helping me decide what I want to do with my life. Last year, I was asking to go to the bathroom, and now I am expected to know exactly what I want to do? I honestly don't even know what I am good at, let alone pursue whatever I want. I am not privileged with enough money to keep changing what I want to do.  Sure, there are tests to tell me what I should do, but is that what I want to do? How does that quote go?.. hm... I don't really remember off the top of my head, but I want to love what I do with my life. I don't wanna wake up every day regretting my decisions. I want to wake up and be excited for life brings me, but recently with all of this indecisiveness I can't wake up ready for the day. I honestly wake up wishing I could go back to sleep. I feel like my life should have a purpose by now. Something to look forward too. I don't really have any long term goals other than marrying my fiance. But I don't think I have what it takes to be a homemaker. I guess not many do, but I feel like I should be out in the world doing something rather than sitting in my parents house wishing I had something great to do with my free time other than homework and blogging. Life lessons are hard to learn, but I don't even know if I am learning anything.

I hope you have a wonderful week. xoxoxo
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com
<3