Each day I get up and go to the bathroom, and as I enter the bathroom I look toward the mirror hoping the woman will be there. Each day she is there, waiting to mock me. She won't tell me her name, and refuses to smile. I greet her every morning with a smile from myself, but she just ignores me and stares at me blankly. I always ask her how she is doing, but she ignores me still. Her face is oddly similar to mine, but something seems off. Something important seems to be missing from her. I wonder if it is happiness, or love but I know she needs something. Last night I walked into the bathroom, and I didn't say anything to her as I walked in and stared at her. I was lost in thought, as I studied her. She looked just as sad as ever, when I asked. " Are you happy?" The woman looked at me and shook her head. So, then I asked... " Do you love?" She nodded, and rolled her eyes as if to say " Of course I do." Then something struck me, so I asked her. " Do you know me?" Her head nodded once more, "Do you know me well?" She nodded once more, but something about her seemed familiar. Like she was someone one I used to know. A person whom I used to know very well, but with time and neglectance the person changed to become a complete stranger. It was within that thought I looked to the woman in the mirror once more, and she nodded as if to tell me my thoughts were correct. I thought for a few more minutes as I looked at her. She noticed of course and continued to smile oddly at me. It was then I realized... I realized that the sad woman in the mirror was someone I used to love. So I asked her, " Do you love me?" The woman nodded once more, and then pointed to her heart. " Did you know me well." She nodded once more, and then sighed. " Did I know you well?" The woman seemed to be talking, but no sound was coming out of her mouth, but her lips made out yes. The thoughts kept distracting me as I tried to figure out what I was feeling. This woman, she looked similar to me, and she knew me. But yet, I did not know her. Then the woman grew angry, and looked like she was trying to yell at me... and I could hear her. " Fat, Stupid, Worthless." Were some of the few words that came from that foul woman's mouth. I couldn't hear anything other than insults from her, and as I grew more distraught... the idea hit me. The woman... she was me. Yelling at myself, putting myself down. I used to love myself, and care for myself. But with sadness comes horrible thoughts. But I looked to the woman and looked her in the eye. " I love you. For you. You are beautiful." The woman looked at me like I had shot her with a bullet, but then a smile seemed to spread on her face as she nodded. I reached out to touch her, to only realized I was touching my bathroom mirror, and the woman wasn't smiling, I was.
I hope you enjoyed that! It was something that I came up with the other day, and I thought I should type it out. <3 I hope your week is going wonderfully.
~Andrea
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
When will my life begin?
Hello people of the internet. It's another time to share what is going on in this tiny head of mine.
When I was little everyone always asked me, what do you want to be when you grow up... and I am very sure I gave some cute answer not really understanding what that job really entailed. But as children get older like maybe their junior or senior year of high school, people ask what are you going to do now. That question always got me. Society has always pushed teens to go to college. Turn of the century thing I assume, but most of us youngsters really understand that college is important. Most of the desirable jobs, want an education. I personally love school, well... when it isn't so stressful that I want to pull my hair out. I was told this stress was the part of growing up, but is it really? I am taking classes that will most likely have anything with what I will eventually get a job in. General education seems to be more of a headache than an actual life starter. I mean yeah I am taking a speech class, and it is helping me understand the importance of speaking in front of a large group, but it really isn't helping me decide what I want to do with my life. Last year, I was asking to go to the bathroom, and now I am expected to know exactly what I want to do? I honestly don't even know what I am good at, let alone pursue whatever I want. I am not privileged with enough money to keep changing what I want to do. Sure, there are tests to tell me what I should do, but is that what I want to do? How does that quote go?.. hm... I don't really remember off the top of my head, but I want to love what I do with my life. I don't wanna wake up every day regretting my decisions. I want to wake up and be excited for life brings me, but recently with all of this indecisiveness I can't wake up ready for the day. I honestly wake up wishing I could go back to sleep. I feel like my life should have a purpose by now. Something to look forward too. I don't really have any long term goals other than marrying my fiance. But I don't think I have what it takes to be a homemaker. I guess not many do, but I feel like I should be out in the world doing something rather than sitting in my parents house wishing I had something great to do with my free time other than homework and blogging. Life lessons are hard to learn, but I don't even know if I am learning anything.
I hope you have a wonderful week. xoxoxo
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com
<3
When I was little everyone always asked me, what do you want to be when you grow up... and I am very sure I gave some cute answer not really understanding what that job really entailed. But as children get older like maybe their junior or senior year of high school, people ask what are you going to do now. That question always got me. Society has always pushed teens to go to college. Turn of the century thing I assume, but most of us youngsters really understand that college is important. Most of the desirable jobs, want an education. I personally love school, well... when it isn't so stressful that I want to pull my hair out. I was told this stress was the part of growing up, but is it really? I am taking classes that will most likely have anything with what I will eventually get a job in. General education seems to be more of a headache than an actual life starter. I mean yeah I am taking a speech class, and it is helping me understand the importance of speaking in front of a large group, but it really isn't helping me decide what I want to do with my life. Last year, I was asking to go to the bathroom, and now I am expected to know exactly what I want to do? I honestly don't even know what I am good at, let alone pursue whatever I want. I am not privileged with enough money to keep changing what I want to do. Sure, there are tests to tell me what I should do, but is that what I want to do? How does that quote go?.. hm... I don't really remember off the top of my head, but I want to love what I do with my life. I don't wanna wake up every day regretting my decisions. I want to wake up and be excited for life brings me, but recently with all of this indecisiveness I can't wake up ready for the day. I honestly wake up wishing I could go back to sleep. I feel like my life should have a purpose by now. Something to look forward too. I don't really have any long term goals other than marrying my fiance. But I don't think I have what it takes to be a homemaker. I guess not many do, but I feel like I should be out in the world doing something rather than sitting in my parents house wishing I had something great to do with my free time other than homework and blogging. Life lessons are hard to learn, but I don't even know if I am learning anything.
I hope you have a wonderful week. xoxoxo
xxemopandaxxx.tumblr.com
<3
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